Lost and Found

I found something recently, an unexpected outcome of writing more or perhaps the career change as a whole.

Lost

I knew it had gone missing quite some time ago, but if you asked me to put an exact date to when I lost it, I couldn’t give you one. I found it as I was sifting through ODAN memories and bigger picture issues with a friend. More simple than losing or finding my sanity (part one in this series) or discovering the confidence to be me (part two in this series), I remembered how to have a deep, meaningful conversation.

While I was in college I’d discuss current events with my poli sci friend, who also happened to be an outdoors fiend, a kindred spirit. I’d sit in my philosophy class and do my best to keep up with the discussion on Kierkegaard. In the next hour I’d switch to a literary discussion of Voltaire’s Candide ou l’Optimisme, in French of course. Isn’t that what college is for? Soaking up as much as you can during the day and pondering the meaning of life at two in the morning with roommates? After graduation I stopped speaking French on a regular basis. I didn’t reread any of those deeply complex books I thought I would reread. To this day, fifteen years later, they still sit in a giant blue RubberMaid container in my storage unit.

Well guess what? Just like a foreign language or those hard-earned ab muscles, if you don’t flex them regularly you lose them. I liked to tell myself that those particular brain cells slipped away from me, darting behind years of stressing over whether companies were properly accounting for their businesses or budgeting for mutual fund sales and asset growth during turbulent markets or trying to make my way as a salaried senior member of a public accounting firm. That is not to say that I didn’t learn in those instances or that my brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders. I made the business world my priority. Doing a good job consumed me and it felt as though it swallowed my ability to have a thought-provoking conversation.

Found

Those brain cells feel rusty. But I dug them out of the lost and found bin. Now that I know that they are still accessible to me I can work on scraping off the rust and polishing them so they’re shiny. My focus may be have narrowed over the years. I’m not looking to tackle Kant nor am I looking to be an advocate for every last issue.

I can put out there that I’m concerned about privilege or pipelines and open myself up for honest dialogue.  That makes me feel light.

Have you “found” anything recently?

Comments Welcome

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *